Ann Heathman

Sweetheart, better half, spouse, domestic partner, lover, soulmate, or life partner. Divorced and experiencing empty nest syndrome, I finally figured out food had become my significant other. No date on Friday night. No problem. Pizza and a Pepsi were there to comfort me. No one there to hold my hand or keep me warm at night. Food provided those mood altering endorphins that usually come from a fulfilling relationship.
Now, it’s not like I weigh three hundred pounds and need an intervention, bring in Richard Simmons. But I have a class reunion coming up, and I have to look fabulous for this event.
Fifteen or fifty, when you get back with the old clique, old insecurities and habits rear their ugly heads. And you know how we are, girls. We talk. No. Correction. We gossip about each other. Boy, Susie’s looking old, isn’t she? Did you see what Mary’s wearing tonight? Or, what about Linda? I think she’s had a little work done, if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink. And Diane? Look at her. She’s really put on weight. Yes, this is exactly what we do. Admit, it ladies.
Even more important is being ready for the moment you run into your former high school sweetheart... you know the one. The guy who dumped you for the prissy little cheerleader. I can’t wait to be standing there, looking slim, trim, and fabulous with an “eat your heart out” smile plastered on my face.
So, bring on the protein shakes and meal bars. Prepare that “lean and green” dinner. No summer cook-outs for me. No brats, burgers, potato salad, or baked beans. Adult beverages? Sorry, nuh uh. Cakes, cookies, ice cream. Forget it.
Time to break-up with my “significant other”. Sorry food. I need some space. It’s not you, it’s me. You’ve been great. We need to go our separate ways for a while. Someone is going to be so lucky to have you. It just can’t be me anymore.
Deny Tomorrow http://tinyurl.com/pu3n8mb amazon site

Okay, ladies. Time for some girl talk. I’m talking about the show The Bachelor. I almost feel guilty for watching it. Not sure why I do. Curiosity I suppose. Wanting to see if the guy will pick the girl I think is most suited for him.

I know what the appeal isn’t, however. All the heartache. These beautiful, young women totally open their hearts to love, but there can only be one winner. So week after week, right up to the end, someone gets their heart broken. That is hard to watch.

But setting aside the heartbreak issue for a moment, I wanted to offer a bit of advice for future ladies selected to be on this show. Advice from the perspective of a girl long gone who experienced love and lost and learned hard lessons… that being me. And also advice as a mom with a daughter who smartly, chose well in the man she married.

Girls, the number one thing you must understand is, He knows who he likes and if it’s not you... it’s not you.

Well, duh you say. Everyone knows that. Well, if you know that, then quit throwing yourself at him as if somehow your aggressive approach is going to propel you to the front of the class.

For example, I taught middle school for a while and was totally dismayed at how these young girls threw themselves at the boys, thinking this was the way to get him to like them. I mean, these girls called these boys night and day and chased them in a pathetic manner. And oh, yes, the boys were flattered, but it mostly made them lazy. They didn’t have to lift a finger to find a girl. But the dirty little secret was, he knew who he liked, and if it wasn’t the girl calling him night and day, it didn’t matter how many times she called him… he didn’t choose her.

So, some advice for future ladies of the bachelor or girls looking for love in general.

1 Don’t initiate the first kiss. You may be desperate for him to kiss you, but that is the operative phrase… for him to kiss you. I’m sure he’s flattered that you planted a kiss on him, and he’ll likely return the kiss, but unless he initiated it, it was meaningless.

2. Less is more. There was one girl on this season that wore a dress which looked like the top to her baby doll pajamas… so short it barely covered her derriere and extremely low cut in addition to that. Nah! Girls, you’re fishing with the wrong bait if you think this makes you look like marriage material. Oh, yeah. He’ll notice if he’s any kind of man at all, but he’ll pass you over for the classier girl who is much more subtle in her dress. Yes, she’ll show a bit of cleavage and that’s fine, since sexy is cool. But keep it tasteful. Leave something to be desired. (Predictably, this girl never got too far in the show because of that and other reasons as well.)

3. If you’re not chosen, go out gracefully. Don’t whine about how this always happens to you. Don’t give the poor pitiful me speech. It is so unbecoming. The truth of the matter is, finding love is hard. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not personal. There were twenty other women. His feelings were stronger for someone else. It’s okay to be sad. You opened your heart to love, and it was rejected. That is sad, but practice your exit speech. Prepare. Go out with dignity and grace.

So much more I could say, but these are the big three for me. I’d love to hear from others what your do’s and don’ts might be for the girls of The Bachelor. If you have thoughts, please share.

Love isn’t something you find.
Love is something that finds you.
Loretta Young

Wishing you all the best. A~~

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Friends Fur-ever

12/28/2014

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Trident K-9 warriors. Guide dogs for the deaf. Seeing- eye dogs. Service dogs for soldiers. Therapy dogs. Man’s best friend and companion. Dogs enrich our lives in so many ways and are amazing, all of them.

In addition to being an author, I’ve had the great privilege of being a dog trainer. Just recently, I was certified to train service dogs for the deaf. For years, I’ve taught dogs basic obedience skills and helped owners rehabilitate their aggressive dogs. I know I’ve kept a lot of dogs from being euthanized, and there’s no better feeling than that.

My appreciation for our furry friends was taken to a new high however, when I helped train a service dog for the deaf. In addition to being an obedient dog, this type of service dog must be able to sort out and alert its owner to the sound of a door knock, smoke detector, phone ringing, or alarm clock going off. Once they hear one of these sounds, they must then lead their owner to the correct source of the sound. Unable to hear or see anything as they sleep, imagine how reassuring it would be for a deaf person to know that their dog can warn them of imminent danger such as a fire or emergency call coming in.

Also, recently I read Mike Ritland’s book, Trident Canine Warriors, the dogs who deploy with the Navy SEALs. I came away with another whole level of appreciation for our four-legged friends. Much like their SEAL team handlers, these dogs are “unwavering in their devotion to duty, strong enough and tough enough to take it to the enemy through pain, injury, or fear”. Many SEAL canines have given their all to aid in keeping both us and our warriors safe. I think the SEAL team in my book should take one of these Trident Canine Warriors on their next op. This would be a cool way to highlight the incredible work they do.

And a dog’s worth and contribution to the human race goes on and on. Paws for Patriots and organizations with similar names provide PTSD Service Dogs for injured veterans. Therapy dogs bring untold comfort to the sick and dying and often motivate patients for the first time try to move their stroke-paralyzed arms to pet a dog. And above all, these loving creatures provide solace for the dying, some of whom have no family around to comfort them in their last days.

Then there’s our beloved family pet, our companion dog that has the well-deserved title of "man's best friend.” Their unconditional love and devotion to us knows no measure. What can you say? They ask so little, but give so much.

What a blessing it is to have these amazing creatures among us.
http://tinyurl.com/pu3n8mb

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One small voice...

11/11/2014

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It is not an accident that my heroine, Arianna, is a journalist on assignment in Afghanistan. Nor is it an accident that she was there to produce an exposé on the plight of Muslim women under the Taliban. The terrible treatment of women in Muslim majority countries is, I believe, the number one human rights issue of the 21st century. Women in these countries are powerless to speak for themselves so I believe it is incumbent upon the free women of Western societies to speak for them.
            Take for example, the young girl, Malala Yousafzai, who was shot at point blank range on a bus by the Taliban in Pakistan. Wise beyond her years, she nearly lost her life trying to speak up for the right of young girls to be educated in her country. For her bravery and courage in speaking out in this area, she became the youngest person to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. She is an amazing young lady.
            But lack of opportunity for an education is but one of the human rights denied to women in many Muslim countries. Women in general are the victims of gender apartheid. First controlled by their father, then their husband, after his death, she is controlled by her sons. A woman is never allowed to be alone and must always be accompanied by a man. In fact, there is a scene in my book where the hero, Zach, must come to my heroine’s rescue for the crime of simply being out late at night.
            And the list of human rights violations against women in these countries goes on and on: female gender mutilation, domestic violence/wife beating, forced marriages, child marriages, incest, and in the extreme, honor killings. All of these issues have been highlighted in The Honor Diaries movie, a documentary you should see if you have a chance.
            In my book, I make a deliberate attempt to highlight this abuse of women. But understand. My story first and foremost is a sexy, contemporary romance. In the beginning of the story, we find Arianna wearing a burqa in order to secretly gather information for a documentary on the treatment of women under the Taliban. Readers will see however, that by the end of the story, she trades one veil for another sort of veil. Her life with the hero will cause her to live under his “veil” of protection. I think readers will find it to be an interesting contrast.
I am pleased however, that in my own small way, I was able to focus attention on one of the most important human rights issue of the 21st century. Only by bringing this abuse to the attention of many, can we begin to solve it. This is my humble contribution to that effort.

Deny Tomorrow   http://tinyurl.com/pu3n8mb

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