Okay, ladies. Time for some girl talk. I’m talking about the show The Bachelor. I almost feel guilty for watching it. Not sure why I do. Curiosity I suppose. Wanting to see if the guy will pick the girl I think is most suited for him.
I know what the appeal isn’t, however. All the heartache. These beautiful, young women totally open their hearts to love, but there can only be one winner. So week after week, right up to the end, someone gets their heart broken. That is hard to watch.
But setting aside the heartbreak issue for a moment, I wanted to offer a bit of advice for future ladies selected to be on this show. Advice from the perspective of a girl long gone who experienced love and lost and learned hard lessons… that being me. And also advice as a mom with a daughter who smartly, chose well in the man she married.
Girls, the number one thing you must understand is, He knows who he likes and if it’s not you... it’s not you.
Well, duh you say. Everyone knows that. Well, if you know that, then quit throwing yourself at him as if somehow your aggressive approach is going to propel you to the front of the class.
For example, I taught middle school for a while and was totally dismayed at how these young girls threw themselves at the boys, thinking this was the way to get him to like them. I mean, these girls called these boys night and day and chased them in a pathetic manner. And oh, yes, the boys were flattered, but it mostly made them lazy. They didn’t have to lift a finger to find a girl. But the dirty little secret was, he knew who he liked, and if it wasn’t the girl calling him night and day, it didn’t matter how many times she called him… he didn’t choose her.
So, some advice for future ladies of the bachelor or girls looking for love in general.
1 Don’t initiate the first kiss. You may be desperate for him to kiss you, but that is the operative phrase… for him to kiss you. I’m sure he’s flattered that you planted a kiss on him, and he’ll likely return the kiss, but unless he initiated it, it was meaningless.
2. Less is more. There was one girl on this season that wore a dress which looked like the top to her baby doll pajamas… so short it barely covered her derriere and extremely low cut in addition to that. Nah! Girls, you’re fishing with the wrong bait if you think this makes you look like marriage material. Oh, yeah. He’ll notice if he’s any kind of man at all, but he’ll pass you over for the classier girl who is much more subtle in her dress. Yes, she’ll show a bit of cleavage and that’s fine, since sexy is cool. But keep it tasteful. Leave something to be desired. (Predictably, this girl never got too far in the show because of that and other reasons as well.)
3. If you’re not chosen, go out gracefully. Don’t whine about how this always happens to you. Don’t give the poor pitiful me speech. It is so unbecoming. The truth of the matter is, finding love is hard. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not personal. There were twenty other women. His feelings were stronger for someone else. It’s okay to be sad. You opened your heart to love, and it was rejected. That is sad, but practice your exit speech. Prepare. Go out with dignity and grace.
So much more I could say, but these are the big three for me. I’d love to hear from others what your do’s and don’ts might be for the girls of The Bachelor. If you have thoughts, please share.
Love isn’t something you find.
Love is something that finds you.
Wishing you all the best. A~~